Once again it's time for... Is it just me? The gameshow where I complain about some issue that everyone deals with, and you all weigh in with your opinion on the matter.
This episode's topic: Haircuts.
I know that there are many differences between the male and female hair treatments. Most men I've met would rather find the cheapest barber they can ("Uncle Lou only charged me $3 -- Sure, he's nearly blind and only has the use of one arm, but... cheap!") and women seem to head for the more frilly places ("I was going to drive home right after my hair appointment, but I had too many of their free mimosas, so I went shopping instead"). This is a hasty generalization that I'm sure will earn me no respect for having written it.
Nonetheless, I must admit to a certain affinity to a $30 salon hair-do. As I was explaining to Berta, if you find the right stylist, there's definitely something to the scalp kneading that occurs during the shampooing phase. It nearly triggers that blissful reaction in me that you see with some dogs when you scratch them in just the right spot. Moving on...
The reason I bring up this whole hair issue is because I had mine mostly chopped off yesterday. And during the process, as usual, the stylist wanted to know how I wanted my hair done. Allow me to pose this question to the guys in the audience: Do you really know what to say to answer this question?I find that I am frequently and inexplicably flustered upon the asking of this question. What do I want my hair to look like? I'm not really sure -- I just want it to not be as long as it is because it's a pain to manage.
I'm not averse to long hair. In high school and college I had hair longer than any woman I know. It's just that weird in-between stage that makes growing it out too difficult and has me returning to the hair salon all-too-infrequently.
So I've been told that I like a "number 4" on the sides. Does it seem strange to anyone else that I would order a haircut by number? I guess it's difficult to describe my own vision for my hair, but somehow specifying the blade guard length on the razor used to trim my hair doesn't sit well with me.
I suppose that it really is frustrating for stylists when a client comes in and says, "I have hair. I don't want all this hair, and I don't really care what it looks like as long as 1) I don't have to spend more than 5 minutes messing with it in the morning and 2) I don't look like Uncle Lou cut it." I feel like my head could be a solid block of marble, ready to be chiseled into a masterpiece of a sculpture. Or something. They don't seem to appreciate that they are free to explore their own artistic vision using my head.
It seems that I have also not gotten down the hair cutting small-talk:
"Whereabouts do you work?""Over in Thorndale.""..."
Ok, it's not as bad as that, but I find that when I'm seated under the waterproof nylon hair clipping shroud that I have usually just gotten out of work and I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do when I get back near the computer that I had left early so that I could experience the inconvenience of the removal of all that blasted extra hair. So yeah, I'm not exactly in the mindset of a person who is getting their hair cut. Asking me generic small-talk questions will undoubtably get you the most terse response possible. My brain may be under all that hair, but my mind is elsewhere.
Of course, my favorite hair cutting small-talk question of all time is, "So it's been a while since you've had your hair cut?" Yes. Otherwise, I would have just been here, and I'm certainly not one of those neurotic N-Sync/Vanilla Ice-looking boys. Indeed, I actually have a life, and I try to involve hair in it as little as possible. Of course, I can't say that because they take offense to it for some reason (oh, no, you go ahead and try it and see how that works out for you when they've got scissors near your ears), so I usually stick with the old standby: "Yes, I'm so busy with work that even scheduling time for this is a problem."
Also - and I'm totally stereotyping here, but I have yet to find it to be untrue - I can't talk to hairdressers about computers. Can't be done. The first thing out of their mouths is usually, "I hate computers, especially the one we have here." Those geek readers familiar with this phonmenon know the pat response, right? "Yeah, yeah, me too." Otherwise, it's a whole can of worms you're opening with someone who has no experience with computers other than as a frustrated user, who is wielding cutting implements near your brain.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Ok, yeah, that's funny, but nobody's really going to cut you for saying things like that." You would be surprised. I was cut by the same lady twice in the same sitting. The first time, I assumed it was an accident. Yeah, right. Check out the ear scar; battle wounds from my time in the pneumatic chair of death.
I think if you're going to take away a theme from this post, it should be: "Be nice to people while they're cutting things off your head." Whether it's for this reason or I just feel generous, I way overtip. Consider it a thank-you for putting up with my lack of small-talk skills and inability to describe a simple thing such as a haircut. See? We're both inept to each other!
Here's what I think I would really be into: At the Borgata casino there is a real old-fashioned barber shop that gives haircuts and hot foam shaves with real straight razors. I would be so into that. There's a place in Exton that looks like it does the same thing, and the place seems really swank from the outside. The waiting area has a pool table, if that tells you anything. Hmm... I wonder if they server liquor and cigars; it seems like just that kind of place.
So there you have it. Is it just me that has these hair styling issues? Or is this a common thing?
...by the way, Owen, the shop in Exton is very much like you imagine with the cigars and all...or so I have heard. I haven't actually been there
Maybe I am different but I love getting my haircut. I find it so relaxing, like a massage. I go to the same hairdresser everytime and have developed a cordial relationship with her. I do hate having to pay 30 bucks a month for the cut but I must not mind it that much because I still do it. I do agree that it is hard to talk to most hairdressers. I speak from experience. I dated one for over a year and all she was interested in was hair and most of her friends were hairdressers as well.
I find it odd that the "pat" response is not actually the one I give. I think the problem is poor design... computers are meant to be tools for people, to make their lives easier and enable them to do thing they couldn't do before. I don't hate computers at all (although I DO occassionally find them frustrating, like anyone else).
I usually say something like "Yes, software is rarely designed correctly such that normal people can actually use it", which, of course, I believe. Unless the software is targetted towards specific, technical people, why should it require training in order to use? It should be as intuitive and easy-to-understand as possible, so that anyone could download it and use it. Requiring people to know things about computers or software is really missing the point. It's bad enough people have to learn to type and use the mouse.
In this case, "pat" != "Pat", but I'm sure that might have occurred to you.
And I don't disagree with anything you've said, but it's still safer sometimes just to say, "Yeah, me too," than to have a meaningless argument with someone weilding a cutting implement near my head.
Yeah, I always have that 'how do you want it cut' problem (I'm a guy). This was just escalated when I had my hair highlighted in December and I had to field a whole barrage of questions about what I want, how I want, what colour I want, blah blah blah about technical jargon I had no idea about (she: 'do you want blocks of colour from foil or an interleaved highlight?' me: 'eh?')
The upside is that I've developed a taste from that December trip for time consuming and wallet burning salon experiences; I wouldn't hesitate to pay $30 for just a cut anymore. In fact, before I go next time I plan to actually have something in mind for their question of how to cut it. Eventually when I've saved up enough (in two or three months) I want to go to a certain uber-ritzy/outrageously-priced salon and ask the person to suggest styles to me, but for now I'm beginning to think that shrugging off all responsibility for what your hair looks like and going in empty-minded about it is a bit irresponsible, given how a slight alteration in one's hair can make or break whether a person looks decent.
As an aside, I don't really trust men to cut my hair well anymore, but that's probably just a prejudice born of extrapolating from a small sample of men vs. women stylists.
As another aside, my (limited) empirical research doesn't bear out much of a relation between the price of a haircut and its quality (I mean between $15-$35 type range) but it's a nice illusion to hold, so I stubbornly hang on to it :)
Well, call me a man, then.
I loathe the small-talk. I never seem to have anything in common with them.
And that how do you want your hair to look question, omg. I always want to point out that only one of us went to hair school or whatever and it... wasn't me. When I am told that I can't have a haircut without giving the stylist a picture of some sort - and when I didn't bring a picture and am therefore directed to some silly book of models with assymetrical, funky maroon hairstyles and told to choose "a look," I just hate it. Do they not do this all day long, every day? DO they not have more experience with the hair thing than I do? I just want someone to have a general idea of what someone with my hair and face would look not too horrible in. "Just make me look better than I do right now."
Argh.
No, it's not just you. :)
From a fellow male perspective I think that you summed up the entire haircutting experience succinctly. Even down to the talk about computers and the stylist’s response. I remember having hair longer than the girl I was dating, and what a pain in the ass it was to worry about how it looked, or how long it took to dry, or how I hated getting up earlier than I wanted to fuss with my hair. I too went through the number so and so on the sides, no sideburns, and a little shorter on top, but essentially the same speech. And then when I started thinning up top and decided to shave my head everything changed.
I haven’t been to see a stylist in about four years. I buy a package of new razor blade heads for my razor ever two months, and I spend five minutes longer in the shower twice a week as I shave my head. I don’t worry about the rain messing up my hair, or waking up with bed-head, or the wind from my car windows. Sometimes, briefly, I miss having something to style, but then I think about all of the added productivity of a shaved head and think that I could never truly go back. I highly recommend it.
I go to an old-fashioned barber shop. It's been a community fixture for longer than I've been alive, and has changed ownership only a few times. The barbers are all men. The clients are (almost) exclusively men. We talk about guns, and cars, and greasy food. It's a thoroughly enjoyable experience. This shop recently experienced a minor scandal when they hired a new barber who was a young woman. The male clients were visibly shaken, and uncomfortable, with this change to the formula.
One barber claims to be a hillbilly, despite the fact that he's one of the most intelligent, articulate people I've met. He's from West Virginia, and regales the clientelle (and the other barbers) with all manner of fun (and likely tall) tales.
I relish plopping down in the chair, telling the barber "Short and thin, please, with a number two blade". I get the same quality cut every time, regardless of which barber does the job (even the new female barber!), and I almost always laugh out loud at least once. You couldn't pay me to go anywhere else.
You are wrong on so many points I don't know where to start. HAHA ;-)
Before I moved to where I am now (and started growing my hair to boot), I went to the same place for a decade. This was a one man operation and by virtue of having been a long time customer, I could actually walk in without an appointment and get my hair cut. Each time I went (roughly 5-6 weeks apart) - the conversation would touch on the same worn topics, the current sporting successes or mishaps of the local team, the weather... and then somewhere around cutting of sides and back, the talking would peter out...
After the second time at any barber's, I'd answer the question "how do you want your hair cut today?" with "the usual". The question flusters me as well. Never mind that a new guy probably doesn't remember or know - that's my way of telling him "oh, do whatever you want - so long as the hair doesn't flop into my eyes or tickle the back of my neck, you're doing fine". Most of the barbers I've encountered thus far seem to take the hint.
Another weird custom with this old regular - he'd insist on holding up a mirror to the back of my head after he finishes so I can "approve" the cut. Obviously, since I'm quite shortsighted, this would require a wait while I fumbled for my glasses from the counter and put them on... a few times I just nodded my head without putting the glasses on and thanked him (or said, that's fine) and I thought he looked rather miffed. One time, out of curiosity, I just asked him if he could make the back a "teensy bit shorter" and he actually looked quite pleased.
One time, I was actually consulted (during the haircut) about the best computer/software to start his son on computing... that was the closest the talking ever came to a real conversation in 10 years.
Of course, I've had nothing but the odd trim since I started growing my hair a couple of years ago.
Owen, I've been getting a "number 3" cut for over a decade, now, and it can't be beat. I was getting this by number until the crusty old barber at the Senate barber shop told me that the "number 3" was a crappy way to refer to it, and pointed out to me that the number 3 guard was really a half-inch, so let's just call it that, OK, Mack? (Not sure if the shop is still open to the public, after Sept. 11th. I was in DC as an intern in 1998, and as a member of the general public I had to wait until every Senator's aide's dogwalker's sister's best friend's father had his hair cut before I got my chair.) The beauty of the half-inch guard is that it keeps my noggin neat, even fresh (or otherwise) out of bed, doesn't require but bi-weekly maintenance and keeps my receding hairline from even looking like the beginnings of a wannabe comb-over.
If you find the right old-school barber shop, you can get a hot towel, a straight-razor shave, a shoulder massage and a splash of Bay Rum into the bargain. Or, you can just take the 5 minutes twice a month with the clippers at home, and be done with it - $30 pair by Oster, lasted me so far for 8 years.