Learning About Becoming an Assassin
I wrote a linklog post a while back that pointed to this "instruction manual" for being an assassin. I thought it was an interesting idea, even if the manual itself is lacking quite a bit. (And rightly so, because it shouldn't be so easy to learn these things over the web.)
After a while, I started getting comments of people looking to become assassins. They were looking for training or something, I'm not exactly sure. I played along in my comments, telling them that they needed to find an "admission counselor" to get into our program. Obviously, they would not actually find such a counselor here, but they might spin their wheels trying to get into our exclusive (and reclusive) club.
Whether these folks have started taking this thing seriously, or are just playing along, I can't say. It's disturbing that there are so many reputed young people that have interest in this line of work. It's disturbing that so many other folks seem to think they know anything about assassination. The comments both on the post and still in the moderation queue are replete with messages of, "It's not like you see in the movies, fools." As if those people even know. But why are these people even coming to my site based on a one-sentence link?
Apparently, if you search for "become an assassin" on Google, my old one-line, one-link page is the fourth result. Unbelieveable. Why are people searching for this? Do they really think that they can find some technical information about online assassin training?
While poking around on the net a bit to figure out why people had found my original post, I found something else that's disturbing. It seems that people have actually listed "be an assassin" as a goal. I can't even imagine. Most of them list assassination as the only thing they could think of wanting to do. The others either list "become an assassin" right next to paradoxical entries like "become a doctor", or near other similar entries, like "kill some people" and the weird one, "kill someone in self defense". Can you really have that as a goal? Weird.
Assassination isn't a profession you aspire to, people. It's kind of like prostitution — you don't grow up fantasizing about prostituting yourself, your situation dictates what you need to do to survive.
If you're really interested in assassination, here are my recommendations:
Buy a video game. Video games these days give you plenty of chances to kill other people for money. My recent favorite, Oblivion, has a whole hidden guild and contracts that let you work your way up to the top of the organization. There are even plenty of assassin organizations in the massively multiplayer games where you can work outside the game rules as an assassin.
Play Street Wars. Street Wars is a game you play in real life with water guns. You get contracts, and you attack them with non-lethal water sprays. Don't let the description lull you into thinking it's a simple game. The participants usually go out of their way to concoct elaborate true-assassin "killing" methods.
Read a book. There have been a ton of famous assassinations over the years. US presidents Lincoln, Garfield (neat link!), McKinley, and Kennedy were assassinated. Practically every major country in the world has had an assassination attempt on its leaders. Famous authors have written popular plays about assassins. There is assassin fiction out the wazoo.
Role play. There used to be a dedicated full class for Assassins in 2nd Edition D&D, but it's a prestige class in 3rd Edition and it's not all that impressive. Nonetheless, as with any roleplaying game, you get out of it what you make of it. Just remember that you're playing a game, and the action stops there. Or you could be into something else entirely.
The bottom line is, I don't condone this behavior, and am becoming more disturbed by the interest in it, especially from people who say they're 12 years old. Seriously, I've gotten more interest in the assassin post than I have for errant searches for nonces that have terminated here.
If you're a teenager or a pre-teen looking to become an assassin instead of finishing school, please seek counseling. If you're older, you should know better than to take any of this seriously.
Comments
Comment by Anoynomous on .
I think your views on being an assassin is fucking retarded if anythin gi do not think you you know what the fuck you speak of. For all i know your a fucking loser sitting in front of his fucking computer eating chocolate bars and weighing over 300 pounds playing these fucking retarded video games your soul is goig to burn in hell for eternity you should just slit your wrist and call it a fucking day. Another thing people do need to survive sometime killing people for money is the best way if you cant have any other chance in this fucked up life i hate you with a passion sincerely your truly go to fuckig hell.
Comment by owen on .
You have an impressive command of the English language. I salute you.
Comment by the one on .
as 4 u thinkin that ppl are WIERD for wanting to become assassins ,i got some news 4 u... i have killed 26 targets and have made an amount in the area of 300,000 in 2 yrs and as a reasonably young adult at the age of 24 that quite enough for me where as U! are prolly some fat ass comp geek that got picked on at school and now judges everyone and hates the world for it ......go fuck ur self
Comment by owen on .
"fat ass comp geek that got picked on at school" doesn't describe me at all, but thanks for playing.
I realize that written language skills are not a requirement for assassination per se, but geez.
Comment by Karurosu on .
To the simplistic moron that stated he has had 24 targets and made over $300,000. You must be carrying a a bag of manure around because you're full of shit.."If" and a big if. If you were an assasin. You would not put yourself out there on a computer and say such bullshit ang get yourself caught. Furthermore, if you were an assasin, you would not be wasting time making posts on a fucking website.You'd be training or looking for the next hit. Not playing with yourself on here. Get a life you fucking neanderthal.
Comment by Karurosu on .
And you fucking neanderthals are completely missusing the fucking word. An assassin is a person who kills for idealistic and or poilitical causes. If you had any intelligence and any real knowledge, you would realize the term is "hitman" or "contract killer". These are people that kill for the sole purpose of earning money. They do not refer to themselves as "assassins". These people are ex-militant officers or people that had bad and or traumitizing childhoods, that began training since childhood. So "if" you were contract killer or hitman, you would not refer to yourself as an assassin just for your fucking information. So quit typing out of your asses and get some real facts.
Comment by ghost on .
i have no heart, no feeling nor emotion. I to have killed, i to know what its like...but accidents do happen...
Comment by owen on .
Aren't there any well-adjusted assassin wannabes out there? Sheesh.
Comment by Yannik on .
Listen everyone,
Today's world is screwed i agree, i'm not assassin but lemme tell u one thing...some countries are ruled by idiots and the people of the land suffer, believe me i won't have a problem doing that land a favour but it ain't moral buddy....i assume the more posts listed here just shows where the world is heading...
Comment by SomeoneWithABrain on .
It's fucking amoral, Malus, "the one", and all you retards. Saying shit like "today's society has a lot of imagination" and "they kill people in the movies"...wow. That's smart. Here's a little newsflash - movies aren't fucking real. They're pictures flashing by on a big giant screen for everyone to watch. Shit, why don't you just go kick the shit out of someone in a fucking kung fu class or something. "But I gotta blow his head off..." Fucking retarded.
Comment by mr. on .
i think this is silly. i think the idea is too popular among people who think its a game, but you need to be a very intellectual person (cia) to actually become an assassin. i myself am very smart-top organizatiol skills and strait a's at a catholic school. i also just have the kind of mind they need. if you want to contact me go to mopain5 on youtube.
Comment by Dana on .
For those who posted that they were assasins, your going to have to be a bit more convincing than that. Matt is right, if you were assasins, then you are really stupid ones, as you wouldn't go around bragging about it, especially if you were good at your job.
Killing people in real life for money is disgusting, and if you think that posting it on a site will make you sound like someone cool, then your wrong.
You can pick holes in my post, but I don't care. I'm not some "fatass" who spends their time on the computer, I actually have a life, unlike you "wannabes". I personally find you lot childish for thinking that ending peoples lives is something to be proud of.
Comment by malus on .
if someone wants to think that be an assassin could be a real carrer choice then its no ones business or right to judge them as at the end of the day the society the we live in a lot of imagination comes from films and video games. however i do think that people who do want to be assassin's/hitmen should not really be posting it on the net i mean it aint exactly one way to keep secret
Comment by Matt on .
was that to me? and whats this talk about being a fatass its funny how people can be such hypocrits
Comment by devon on .
You know alot about being a assassin what u played a game and think u know it all. Dude even if your a fatass bitch or a real assassin I have to say I learn some stuff on your site
Comment by matt on .
wow you wannabees seriously need to shut your mouth you did not kill any one if you were an assasin you wouldnt type on you're personal computer and type in assassin what if the feds got hold of it seriously you kids need to get a life if you honestly want to be an assassin join the military inlist for seven years in the marines for sniping and after you rank up join special services there you go you little wannabees
Comment by matt on .
oh and the reason i came here was cause i typed in on google "oblvion being an assassin" i was looking for char builds
Comment by DarkDepiction on .
I want to be assassin does anyone know where i can learn how to become one im not here to quarel ending peoples lifes for money may not be right but i want to be a legal assassin and at the end of the day the paycheck whats matters to me i may only be a assassin wannabe in ur eyes but i want to be one and i only want to hurt evil people instead of good people so hopefully that wont happen
Comment by Xandir on .
24 targets and $300,000? Wow, you got jipped! I mean seriously, Ill admit that I didn't have a screwed up childhood or anything of that such. Ever since I was little (around 5), Ive always wanted to be a sniper for the military. Due to certain physical ailments, I am not able to do such activities. The dream of becoming an "assassin" for me was to be in the military and be contracted by the US government after many years of service. Ive always wanted to do that, and unfortunately, will not be able to. I am 22, so the blaming of violent video games doesn't apply, seeing as how I grew up with the not so violent games such as the Super Mario Bros. series and racing games. My parents wouldn't allow games like that in the house until I reached my teenage years. And yes, I do realize that the dream is far fetched and non-realistic, but thats what dreams are. Goals on the other hand are different by far.
Comment by anonymous on .
haha this is hilarious. my friend told me about this site and I had to see it. Kudos to the guy who wrote this page. So there are apparently some real assassins posting on this page. haha seriously guys? You'd have better luck convincing people you're a mercanery (I think I spelled that wrong). Either way, I didn't know assassins were able to tell people what they do...stupid movies telling me it was supposed to be secret. haha this reminds me of Mr. and Mrs. Smith! my favorite was the part about peoples goal of killing someone in self defense...LOL!! I agree with you...how does one have that as a goal?
Comment by Anonymous on .
your all assassins
Comment by owen on .
Yes. And we all have better grammar than you, too.
Comment by twilight on .
this is dumb........
Comment by abc on .
apparently owen is very proud of his english skills and it's the only point he is going to argue with people. thats pussy
Comment by owen on .
I'm sorry, were you trying to argue some other point? Also, you could stand to use some capitalization and punctuation. Just sayin'.
Comment by lukehatesyou on .
you are all quite stupid, so im guessing you are all american, if you want to become a assassin either join the army and work ur way up and attempt to be a legal hitman (if ur american a fucking monkey can do it), or join and do the training and learn military skills, yours truly, AUSTRALIA. where the people aren't so stupid and dumbwitted.
Comment by 12-342 on .
Interesting that people like this exist, don't you think that it would be quite the popular job in countries where poor folk can't really afford a living such as the Balkans? Or maybe, the cause of having a cause? Yours truly, doesn't spend money on guns and top of the line gadgets to get the job done. Unfortunately I don't think I just do, that is what makes a good "hit-man" and "assassin". /:?C