At Mike Lietz’s mention of the OLF session on using Linux with robots, I let slip the fact that I dislike robots. Really, I hadn’t thought about it much before that very moment, but the more I consider it, the more I hold it to be true.
I have fond memories of robots as a child. My 2-XL robot was one of my prized possessions. But 2-XL wasn’t a robot. He was an 8-track player in the shape of a robot. And this is where my journey into robot bait-and-switch starts.
Of course, after 2-XL was Voltron. Who didn’t love Voltron? Robot lions that together formed Voltron, defender of the universe. Sure, Voltron was as real a robot as a cartoon robot can get. And looking through all of the robots I’ve loved as a kid, I’m starting to notice a trend.
No. None of these robots are real. They’re all really neat. They do amazing things. And none of them exist.
Enter the real robots, like the ones at OLF. They’re basically a 386 strapped with duct-tape to a radio-controlled car, a telephone, and a plastic claw toy from Toys-R-Us. Inevitably upon demonstration the system breaks down, requires repair, or does nothing particularly useful that you couldn’t go over and do better by hand. There is no transforming, space travel, or saving the universe with a giant energy sword.
Granted, there are robots that do really interesting things. The robots that help build cars are pretty cool. But they’re not really all that interesting. I think they’re intellectually stimulating; I’d like to know how they work, but I wouldn’t really want to watch them working. Yawn.
R2-D2 is neat but he is not real! Do I like movie robots? I dunno. Sure, they’re neat, but just like the movies about computer hackers that show big graphic interfaces with “ACCESS DENIED” in some stylish modern 84pt font, movie robots require a suspension of my disbelief that is all too tenuous.
So no, it’s not really an “active hatred” or anything. I don’t go around melting down any robot that I see (with my laser vision!), but I don’t get all excited about robot demonstrations like I used to when I was a kid. I just can’t take the perpetual disappointment.
