I guess there are training programs available for parents and no end of books on how to administer discipline of various sorts. I think we have a couple of those books around the house, even one with a title like, “How To Trick Your Kids into Behaving.”
The kids are performing in their own ways these days, and I wonder many things about being a parent, how to get them to behave, how to get them to grow up to be good people, how to refrain from making every moment in life a lesson of some kind.
Riley has started this thing, it’s not really a tantrum - I recognize those - where he just lays down on the floor. He just lays there. There isn’t anything wrong with him, he’s not doing anything wrong, but he’s just laying on the floor, usually on one of his knit blankets, sometimes rolling around, but usually just laying still. I’m not sure why. Sometimes he does this as a way to avoid things, like if we want to change his diaper, he’ll just lay down. He’s not tired. He had plenty of energy, it’s just something he does.
I can’t figure out how to get Abby to settle down. A good fraction of her awake time she’s a perfect little girl. Polite, friendly, well-behaved. But there are many rough edges.
Usually around dinner time she’ll start acting up. She won’t sit still at the table. When she does sit, she stay seated upright. And she doesn’t really like any food, although I suppose that’s typical for a kid her age, but we would like her to sit with us at dinner, since we’ve decided that dinner is our daily meal together as a family. Maybe I need to emphasize that more.
Of particular concern to me is how she treats Riley on a daily basis. Sometimes she’s the best big sister Riley could ask for. Most of the time they’re together, Abby’s got an evil grin, Riley’s screaming, and something’s afoot. I don’t understand her animosity toward him. And poor Riley, he’s so innocent, he doesn’t know that she’s mistreating him, and he goes along with anything. That is a worse offense to me, really. I guess it’s reasonable preparation for Riley in the “real world”, where he’ll be in preschool next month with other kids who can’t really be forced to like him. But I think i would rather him have a sister that he knows he can count on and then be disappointed with the rest of the world.
I don’t remember being this way to my brother. Maybe I was. If I was, I’m thankful that I don’t remember and hope he doesn’t either. I almost hope that’s the case because then i could rest a little easier about Abby and Riley getting along and being friends when they get older.
When I left the office to take Abby to school today, Nana was telling me that Abby was being naughty. I didn’t get specifics, instead hurried Abby to get ready for school and confronted her about it in the car. She said she was running away from Riley, which was naughty. I suppose maybe she was teasing him. I asked her if she knew that she was supposed to behave all the time, especially for Nana. She said she didn’t know that.
I must be doing something really wrong that she’d even say that.
I don’t know how to get her to accept that good behavior is what she’s supposed to present at all times. I understand that there will be lapses, but the idea that she’s supposed to behave well all the time should be in her mind, at least. It should never occur to her that it’s acceptable to be bad.
I try tactics that I’m surprised to find that my parents used to discipline me. The “guilt” one doesn’t seem to be ingrained enough in her to use effectively. That is, I can try to be disappointed in how she behaves, but that doesn’t seem to have any effect on her. I try to tell her what she’s doing wrong and what we expect of her, and i don’t really know if it’s sinking in. While she has difficulty admitting what she has done wrong, I don’t know if it’s because she feels bad about doing it, or if she can’t articulate it, or if she’s just grasping at what I might want to hear for an answer because she just doesn’t know what we want from her.
I’m tired of threats. No TV. No treats for dessert. Early bed. Santa’s “naughty” list and coal-filled stockings. I don’t want her to be deprived of these things, or be in fear of losing them all the time, or just become ambivalent about them because she’s always being punished, and I am tired of being hard on her or wondering whether I’m being too hard. There are stupid things that she could so easily avoid, but she keeps doing them over and over and I don’t know how to break her of them.
I’d like her to stop teasing Riley. I’d like her to stop the perpetual whining when she doesn’t get her way. I’d like her to behave properly at the dinner table. I guess I need to come up with a plan to affect some of these behaviors, maybe one at a time. I’m not sure where to begin. Maybe I’m stuck with this until she moves out.
I write this like she’s always in trouble. She really isn’t a bad kid. Like I said, there are times when she’s the best little girl. Last night we made cookies together while Berta and Riley were out grocery shopping and she was perfect. Followed instructions, was attentive, and kept herself occupied when I couldn’t occupy her without getting into trouble. Maybe she needs some time alone at home. Maybe she needs more dedicated time with me and Berta. I don’t know.
Ah, frustration. Change is slow. Be patient.
