At the beginning of the summer, the family embarked on an expedition to find the best pizza in Chester County. We did this because every time we went out for pizza or ordered delivery, we’d end up with something that didn’t satisfy one of us, or any of us. I thought we had found the best pizza place—one that satisfied all our needs—when we discovered a nearby spot called Revival Pizza.

Revival Pizza was initially pretty good. They had unique toppings, used different cheeses with distinct flavors on various pizzas, and their crust was nicely cooked and flavorful. Plus, it wasn’t too far to drive for pickup. Everything seemed perfect. But at some point, either Revival changed ownership or they altered their menu. Fundamentally, their pizza changed and no longer satisfied everyone. The cheese, which was an interesting factor at first, became less flavorful or too garlicky in some cases. They also used to have a really nice spicy shrimp pizza, which might sound odd to some folks, but it was amazing. Unfortunately, that pizza is no longer on their menu, nor is shrimp available as a topping anymore, which is kind of sad because I occasionally crave shrimp on my pizza.

So we stopped getting pizza from Revival and started ordering from Carmine’s Parkside. Carmine’s has been around for a long time; I remember it from when I was a kid visiting Marsh Creek Park nearby. Carmine’s pizza is pretty typical—standard Italian-looking pizza with plain mozzarella and a rather bland, thin, floppy crust that seems to satisfy everyone except me. I don’t enjoy it as much as I did Revival’s and have definitely had better pizza in other cities. For what it is, it’s just pizza—not a four-star gourmet meal or anything special. But if you’re looking for good pizza, it’s basically mediocre and can be found at any corner shop in any town. Also, you can’t get shrimp on your pizza there or anywhere else in Chester County that I’ve found.

At the beginning of the summer, we started putting together a pizza bracket. We listed many pizza restaurants in Chester County within reasonable driving distance because we wanted to pick up the pizza or potentially have it delivered. They needed to have an online presence so we could order without having to call. Some places were crossed off immediately due to certain criteria—like Ron’s, where we love the food but never order the pizza because their sauce is too sweet.

We built a pizza bracket and started pitting pizzas head-to-head from random places we’d been before—like Revival—and even added Domino’s because it qualified under our criteria. We went to places we’d never been before and places slightly out of our way like Leone’s in Downingtown or Seasons Pizza in Fraser. Despite the drive, the pizza stayed warm by the time we got home and they had online ordering.

In any case, after putting together the bracket and pitting pizzas head-to-head, we concluded that all pizzas in Chester County suck. They’re all terrible; there’s no place I’d definitely want to have pizza from again. Sometimes we’d get pizzas from two different places for a match-up and both would be so bad that we’d cross them off the list entirely.

It’s pretty sad because when I travel to Columbus for work, there are plenty of great pizza places there that I’d love to have a slice from right now. But here in Chester County, there’s just no good pizza whatsoever.

Tonight we’re ordering from Carmine’s again to satisfy our current needs with Abby being vegetarian—I got a half-veggie pizza (actually an all-veggie with half-sausage) and some wings to go with it. I’ll only enjoy it so much because the quality of pizza around here just isn’t great.

Maybe someday I’ll open my own pizza place and produce decent pizzas that people will enjoy—or at least I’ll like them myself. Maybe that’s the key: I’ll make my own pizzas from now on.