This is something I mentioned to Berta last night in the midst of a different topic: I don't panic. There are obviously different ways people deal with adversity, and some people are prone to paralytic panic, the kind that cripples their ability to think clearly. Some people in those adverse situations cope with the rising panic, push it down, and are able to continue in spite of that. The thing is, I'm neither of those. I just don't panic.
I am not touting this as a virtue, although it is often handy to be able to remain calm when everything is off the rails. Rather, I believe I am mis-wired to simply not be panicky. When things occur that would obviously cause panic in anyone else, I tend to completely detach. I don't feel the panic. I don't push it back or even recognize that it's there. I simply don't experience it. There is no fear, no anxiety.
It seems like this is a gift, but this feature of my personality often bleeds into areas that it should not. For example, I tend not to experience that feeling that I need to move immediately to get out of the way of oncoming trains. Another big problem is that I tend not to experience deadlines like other people do. I shrug a lot. To compensate, I often have to do the opposite of panic, whatever that is -- give more priority to a thing that any other person would naturally be anxious or concerned about, but in a rational, deliberate way.
And yet, this is completely unrelated to the panic attacks, which I'm not diagnosed for, but have no other explanation for the symptoms of.
I find it amusing to analyze my psyche this way. I feel like I'm such an odd person. Maybe there are other people out there like me. Maybe there's a psychological condition that I have that is documented. Sadly, the web is obsessed with telling people, "Don't Panic!" Makes it hard to search.
