While passing some other cars on the way back from lunch today, several entertaining thoughts passed through my head. Among them were thoughts about Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, navigation-sensitive streetsigns, and whether you should accept money for my assassination.
Have you seen those Big Resse’s Cups at the store? Do you know how big they are? They are 1.4 oz.
Now. Do you know how big a standard pack of two Reese’s Cups is? Yeah, it’s 1.5 oz.
There is more stuff in the double-pack than the BIG pack. Weird, huh?
And say you’re eating your Reese’s Cups in the car while you’re trying to find your way to someplace you’ve never been. Wouldn’t it be nice if streetsigns “lit up” if they were leading you in the right direction?
Yeah, you’re driving along and you’re worrying that you’re going to miss your turn, and then you see the sign, and it’s unusually bright or lighted somehow that only you can see so you know to pay attention to it. That would be pretty slick. I wonder it there is a way to do that.
For people wondering if accepting money to assassinate me is ok, let me tell you my thoughts.
First, assuming you’re not a friend, that we’ve never met, and that you’re inclined toward the killing, or perhaps you even have a vendetta, then I don’t suppose the decision to take money to do it is a hard one for you. So, good luck!
Second, if you have some disposition against offing me - say you’ve read the blog and liked it, or perhaps you have even met me in person - then it might take some convincing, but I really think you should do it. I mean, don’t settle for a small sum, because you’re going to be on the lam (not “lamb”, because that would be, um, wrong) for a bit while the cops chase you down, but yeah - go for it.
Consider - Anyone willing to pay you cash is probably going to offer a good amount. And if they can offer you a decent sum, then they probably have enough resources to pay for your demise, too. And so if you decline, then you know their plan and are a liability, and so to preserve yourself, your best bet is to take the contract.
Of course, I tell you this not actually wanting to be assassinated, but looking out for your best interests.
So in the spirit of keeping my readership in good health, go ahead and accept the contract. As I will on you.
Another interesting thing occurred to me while driving back to work - Lime-flavored soda? No. – Just. No.
