My theory is that the longer they take to get where they’re going, the less incentive their supervisors have to send them home without pay. I mean, they’re getting paid by the hour, so why drive faster than 15mph to get anywhere? Especially when you’re only looking forward to removing skunk roadkill or something.

If you’re ever followed a yellow PennDOT truck, you know what I’m talking about.

In the parking lot at Wawa (our local convenience store) this morning, I found it curious that there were several parking spots right in front of the doors. This is unusual because normally the parking lot is packed. I pulled into the spot and went inside to get today’s soda.

When I came out and got into my car, the parking lot was littered with elderly people, hobbling around the parking lot like crippled zombies. Some had canes, some had walkers. They paid no mind to traffic, and didn’t seem to care that I wanted to back out of the parking space and would run them over.

There were at least two elderly folks limping in my car’s path. One was by my passenger-side mirror, blocking my view through it while he meandered slowly toward the Wawa. His eyes were fixed on something in the distance, beyond the Wawa - perhaps into the afterlife.

As soon as the path was clear, I peeled rubber. That’s when the yellow truck pulled in front of me. I swear, if the Wawa zombies wanted my brains, they could have caught me on foot easily behind these PennDOT guys.