Something I heard on the radio this morning put me in mind of Zobmondo, a crazy board game in which players must vote on whether a person will choose one extreme option or another.

The issue on the radio was related to tobacco chew spit. Apparently, some bozo had stolen a truck, and when he went to take a drink of the soda that the driver had left in the cup holder, he met with quite a surprise. He ended up calling 911 because he was so nauseated, and that’s how the police caught him.

My few run-ins with chew spit weren’t as unpleasant as this, but the experience has left me wanting to steer clear of chewing tobacco and the people who use it.

My first roommate in college chewed tobacco. He kept a clear Tupperware pitcher with a snap-top lid to spit into. The thing would fill up with the vile brown liquid, and he’d leave it sitting in the room. I suppose he was trying to build up the stereotype- A Johnstown native on some kind of baseball scholarship. Worse, though, was when he and his compadres left the plastic cups sitting around filled with chew spit, lying in wait for the unsuspecting drinker.

The conversation on the radio eventually turned to which thing a person would rather drink if they had to; chewing tobacco spit or human urine. Most of the show’s participants selected pee, the logic being that it isn’t as chunky. My only pee drinking story comes from (where else?) Dave, who was on a carpeting job with (who else?) Neil at the time of the incident.

Sometimes when you lay carpet you are doing it in a new house that has not had plumbing or fixtures installed yet. This was the scenario when Dave set down his half-drank can of Mountain Dew to go lay out a roll of carpet. When he returned and took a swig, he realized that Neil had found his can a useful replacement for the missing bathroom amenities in the new house. Ew.