Asymptomatic

There must be intelligent life down here

I knew [spam], Horatio.
March 25, 2005

Heh, spam. Everyone has a story about it, whether it be about the ham/whatever (as I like to say, “hamever”) or the crap that floods your inbox.

My best piece of spam was when I was sent an email by some woman named Laura who had an “Exciting Opportunity” for me. I didn’t bite, it was classic spam material. Three weeks later, the same woman emailed me. Apparently, it hadn’t been spam at all, but someone seriously interested in giving me an “Exciting Opportunity”. Oh dear. Sometimes I even feel guilty about that, until I remember that spam or no, someone ought to feel guilty about exciting opportunities. What if they’re not exciting? Who do you complain to about them, then?
-Katie

raining free-for-all...
March 25, 2005

ah Spam, gotta love it, here’s my tail of Spam woe…
one day at age 6, i was wandering the supermarket with my mother looking for some cambells and while i was glancing at the beans and deciding which would give me a better case of gas in order to entertain my friends and disgust my little sister another shopper lost control of their cart. they were running down the aisle to escape their children who were constantly nagging about various overly sugary cereal.
“frosted flakes!”
“fruit loops!”
“Aaaaah!” And bam! the cart slammed into the shelf above me and knocked the newly organized and precariously balanced display of that strange spiced ham treat. the last thing i remember was the rain of spam coming to bury me and then a crowd of bag boys and managers. that day i swore i would never go near spam again. now i awake with nightmares of spam raining down on me at the supermarket as…

…oh wait you meant email spam didn’t you, dang… well uh “I get lots of spam. It stinks!"

Spam?
March 25, 2005

You already know how I feel about spam… I hate it with a passion! Especially spam-by-real-mail!

However, Elijah loves it… he eats it almost every day for lunch. Spam and cheese. Mmmm. Thanks to my neighbor who started him on this stuff, he even turned down a chocolate cookie last night for some spam!! What a strange child!

How Spam Saved My Life!
March 25, 2005

Owen, I just wanted to pass along some thanks for all the incredible plugins that you’ve created and made available. Of all the plugins currently running on my site, at least 90% of them came from here. On top of that, I had never heard of Free For All Friday until I saw it here.

As for spam, I just wanted to share a story about how spam changed my life:
I used to be stuck in a relationship with a woman I just couldn’t seem to please and completely desperate for money to pay off my incredibly high medical bills. As I reached a point of near despair, I happened to check my email. Not only did I get a really funny message listing all of the neat things from the 80’s that college kids today have never heard of, but I also found a messages offering free “enhancement” and deeply discounted prescription meds. After clicking through each email and dilligently entering my social security, credit card and pin numbers on each pop up that appeared, I could barely contain my enthusiasm, and I wondered how I would be able to make it until the day the packages of free drugs arrived. Luckily, my blog contained 72 new comments, all of which directed me to an online gambling site where I was sure to resolve all of my financial woes. I’m so glad that comment was placed on every single one of my posts or I might have missed it! I’m happy to say that after a few months of 24/7 online wagering and weeks of “performance enhancment”, I’m now a millionaire who gets compared to Tommy Lee. Hopefully, with this new found wealth, I can help those poor people in Nigeria.