Yesterday, I announced I was going to list a few of my personal principles. This is the first.
This is a new one for me, and I think it's perhaps the hardest principle of the lot for me to follow. The idea seems pretty obvious, but I think - as with all these principles, and with most things from which you can derive wisdom - there are undertones and tributaries that make it complex.
How did I discover this rule? It's an odd story, as you'll likely discover as I tell the story of each of these rules.
I was actually building this web site when the idea came upon me, which isn't really surprising, since I seem to be building some web site or another most of the time. But what I was doing was building the sidebar, and trying to decide how I was going to best use an as-yet-unreleased Habari feature.
If you look at the sidebar now, you'll see that I have my most recent Twitter status, some recent Flickr photos, and under that, a list of songs and album covers. The songs and album covers come from Last.fm, which is a service that lets you keep a record of the music that you play on your computer or portable device, and then produces a feed of the songs and artists that you play most, potentially along with an audio stream of music that you might like based on the music that you have already listened to.
My dilemma at the time was figuring out what of last.fm's data I wanted to display. I really love music. I was a DJ in college, and music discovery has stuck with me all this time. The problem was that I didn't want to display every song that I played, since that's just what last.fm thinks I like, not what I actually like.
The last.fm software has a feature that lets you mark tracks as "loved". I was only previously using this to mark tracks that I really, really liked. I was using this feature to create a "stuck on a desert island" kind of playlist. Still, my "loved tracks" list only had two songs in it. Choosing your most loved music is hard!
But that's when this rule occurred to me. You'd think that these somewhat "major", "life-changing" ideas would happen at momentous occasions in your life. And sure, they probably do. But for me, it happens when building my site's sidebar. Whatever.
So what's the idea? The idea is that if you just give it away, it comes back. I can love more tracks. I can care for more people. There's no real downside to liking more than a certain number of things or people, so why stop at two? To continue an analogy from before, if I can love any track, how could I ever be on the deserted island?
I started thinking of cases where I've interacted with people with and without this philosophy in mind. In those cases where I just present myself and don't really care, there's still a relationship, but it's not as involved as I'd like it to be or as it could be. But in those cases where I've tried to spread "love", open it up and let it happen, I've found richer more involved interaction, the kind that I'd really like to have. This isn't about just people or music, but experiences. Sure, I'm not a great fan of Frisbee golf, as my co-workers can attest, but if I approach it with a positive attitude - with the idea that it could be something I'd love - then I'll enjoy it more than if I had any other attitude. Even if it turns out I hate Frisbee golf (which it seems is not the case, although there's an additional principle to be revealed that governs the result of this love-in), I gave it a good effort.
Another thing to note with this rule is that it applies even to people or situations that you wouldn't otherwise. Approach the surly guy at the post office with friendship. He may not return it, but that's his problem. Even that guy who you know is going to give you a hard time, the one who has historically caused nothing but misery for you -- when you've recovered from his last barrage of vitriol, come back at him with a fresh sense of positivity.
I'm not saying to be masochistic. Sure, if someone abuses you, that's no reason to keep returning for it. All I'm saying is that staying positive, encouraging the potential for a positive outcome, and living with the resistance is a low subscription price for the eventual payoff.
The effort seems high. It's hard to start out behaving that way if you're not already. It's hard to come back to people who've shown an active dislike for your ideas with a fresh attitude. It's sometimes hard to try new things with an open mind. And the results of rejection in the face of optimism are often more severe than if you set your expectations low. I think that this rule though, is set to keep me out of pessimism, which is a thing that hasn't really helped me at all.
I'm sure this principle sounds familiar. It actually incorporates a few major ideas I've heard before. "Turn the other cheek." "Don't be afraid to try new things." Etc. But like anything, it's stronger for you if you make it your own; put your own twist on it to make it easier for you to live by. So that's what I have done here. What do you think? Comment in the box or write up a principle of your own. Be sure to let me know about it!
I hope you're looking forward to reading tomorrow's principle, the aforementioned corollary to this one: "Go Ahead and Be Picky."
