In tune with a suggestion from somewhere that I review more movies (and I don’t know why anyone would suggest this because I can’t help but think most people hate my movie reviews), I now present a micro-review of Star Wars Episodes I and II. Yes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones.
I recently rented both of these movies through Blockbuster Online on the hunch that Abby might enjoy them. After all, George Lucas’ theory is that these movies are for kids. Most people who like the Star Wars world so much today were kids when it was in theaters. The crazy idea is that adults hate these movies because they’re not as cool as how they remember the original three movies being way back when.
To pound this point to death, it’s kind of like when you’re a kid and you go on vacation and you see a monument or something and it’s so grand and majestic. It’s so big and wonderful and exciting and since you’ve not been many places, it’s extraordinary. As a kid you say, “Wow!” But then you return to that place much later in life with all of the grand memories of the things you saw, and instead of the majesty, you notice the garbage everywhere, the homeless people sleeping around the backside, the graphitti on the steps, the broken windows, and the fact that everything is so much smaller than you recall.
That’s why everyone loves the original Star Wars movies, and hates the new ones. So the experiment here is to come at it from the mindset of a child, to set aside any influence that fanboy friends might have had during the original screening, and see if these movies are actually any good.
I really hyped Abby on the whole Jedi thing. After all, aren’t Jedi the coolest good-guys around? They can move things with their minds, they can sense when bad things are happening, and they are so good at attuning themselves to The Force that they can deflect laser beams with their lightsabers. Oh, yeah - that’s darn cool.
And I think when you get over the fact that some of the acting is utter and complete crap (Ok, fine - It’s flat. It’s like it’s read from a cue card and contains no emotion.) these movies actually aren’t that bad.
Abby rather enjoyed the lightsaber scenes, and, surprisingly, the pod racing. But the utter shocker is that she really liked Jar-Jar. Now before you go off half-cocked and say something I’ll have to pummel you for, just remind yourself of the audience. This kid, like most, enjoys cartoons with funny voices and strange looks to them. Jar-Jar isn’t providing the dry dialogue like Obi-wan or Qui-gon. When they’re talking on-screen, Abby just kind of watched with half interest, waiting for the lightsabers to come back out. Jar-Jar was amusing to her, as I assume it would be to many young children - as Lucas was expecting.
As far as the second movie goes, I have my own questions. What the heck is going on? How is it that Jango Fett was living with the clone-makers, but was working for the guys from the Dark Side? Lord Dooku aka Darth Sidious aka Lord Tyrannus? Everyone’s got so many stinking weird names, I can’t keep track.
And once again the whole Dark Side issue rears its head to me. I think maybe I was let down by the story, which could have provided an intersting twist and an easy entry to Anakin becoming Vader. Dooku tells Obi-wan that the leaders of the trade federation realized their error in invading Naboo, having been influenced by the powers of the Dark Side. This is his excuse for these guys getting together to build the robot army - they need to fight the evil forces that have been infiltrating the senate. It turns out that this is a really freaking good lie. I think it would have been a much more interesting story if this was actually the case, where the Jedi are unknowingly doing the bidding of some Dark Side overlord who is secretly manipulating the senate.
The main problem I have with the second movie is that I have no idea where the sides are. Am I the only one who’s lost?
Anyway, Abby enjoyed when C-3P0 lost his head.
I enjoyed when Padme finally fell out of that transport in the worst bit of stunt work ever recorded on film. Honestly, you need to watch Garden State because she’s really good in that.
In all, the movies weren’t a complete waste of time as some would have you believe, and might be worth a re-watch on DVD before the third installment comes out on May 19th.
